


Wet Noodles

by SkeletalSailor



Series: I Don't Know What ULTIMA Expected [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Crack, Food Kink, Food Sex, Masturbation, Other, idk what to tag this under ok gladio loves his cup noodles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-26 23:59:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12569096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkeletalSailor/pseuds/SkeletalSailor
Summary: Ignis didn't know exactly what he expected to find upon returning to the hotel room, but Gladio with his dick in a cup of ramen noodles was not it.





	Wet Noodles

**Author's Note:**

> i don't know what caused me to write this i'm so sorry

Ignis didn't know exactly what he expected to find upon returning to the hotel room, but Gladio with his dick in a cup of ramen noodles was not it.

He had returned because Noctis left his jacket despite the frigid temperatures of the night. Despite Ignis' constant warnings of "it's going to be cold", Noctis was utterly convinced that it wasn't. After shivering for nearly half an hour, Noctis finally concluded that it was, in fact, cold, and begged Ignis to go back for his jacket because he didn't want to make the walk.

For once, Ignis wished he would've just told the prince to suck it up. Because he didn't know any context for what he was currently witnessing, and he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Gladio hadn't seemed to hear him enter. He was groaning low, hand wrapped firmly but softly around a styrofoam cup, cock pumping in and out of the noodles and broth. Gladio bit his lip, thrusting a little more vigorously into the cup. His eyes clenched shut, he moaned in a hushed growl. "Fuck yeah."

Ignis couldn't quite look away; he found it was like a trainwreck. Horrifying enough that you didn't want to see it, but concerning enough that you couldn't help but look on. He found himself so distracted that he couldn't stop the hotel's door from closing loudly behind him.

Well, there went his chances of leaving quietly and avoiding the awkward conversation that follows.

Gladio looked up at the sound of the door slamming closed and his eyes widened in shock. "Shit, Iggy!" Gladio reached, pulling a blanket to cover himself but still not removing himself from his noodles. "Shit, I didn't expect you to come back."

"Noctis left his jacket behind," Ignis explained. "I was just going to pop in and grab it, but..."

Gladio frowned. "But now you're in an awkward conversation because I'm naked and you caught me with my dick in a cup of noodles."

"Precisely." Ignis pinched the bridge of his nose. "Do I at least get any sort of explanation as to what I, unfortunately, saw?"

"I mean, shit," Gladio sighed. "I just... really love Cup Noodles."

"Apparently so," Ignis stepped past Gladio, searching for Noctis' jacket as he spoke. "I hope you know I don't approve of wasting food."

"I don't waste them, I still eat them afterwards." Gladio argued, and Ignis pulled a disgusted face which only led to Gladio attempting to defend himself. "... I mean, it's not like I'm putting poison or something disgusting in them. It's just my dick."

"And, I mean, any guy can admit that if they could put their dick in their mouth, they would totally suck themselves off." Gladio was rambling, and Ignis felt more and more traumatized by the incident as he spoke. "So really, it's not any worse than that. They're still edible; if anything, it adds more flav--"

"Bloody hell, Gladiolus," Ignis interrupted, his voice lowered to an aggravated growl. "I don't want to hear about your obscene fetish for noodles, and I certainly don't want to hear about _your_ noodle. Just let me find his highness' jacket in peace, free from any further trauma."

Thank the heavens, the shield listened, firmly shutting his mouth. He stepped out of Ignis' way as he searched for the jacket, which he found lost in the mess of blankets on the floor. With a sigh, he finally stepped out.

"Ignis," Gladio called before the door could close.

"Yes?" Ignis sighed, hoping to get away and suppress this memory from his mind as soon as possible.

Gladio hesitated for a moment before finally speaking. "... Don't tell Noct or Prompto about this? Please? They'll never let me live it down."

Ignis blinked. He hadn't thought about telling anyone in the first place; he didn't want to think about it ever again, let alone relay the details to another party. And yet, now, he was presented with an opportunity.

So with a smirk, he crossed his arms. "You do all the dishes for a month, and my lips will remain sealed."

Gladio frowned. "You use a lot of dishes, Iggy. A week I can understand, but an entire month?"

"If you find my terms disagreeable..." Ignis pushed his glasses up his nose and pulled his phone from his pocket, waving it threateningly into Gladio's view. "I could always text Noct and let him know right now."

Gladio froze immediately. "A month isn't so bad. I can definitely do a month."

Ignis' smirk lightened into a pleased smile. "Then we have a deal."

After hearing Gladio's sigh of relief, Ignis stepped out, closing the door behind him with his Prince's jacket in his arm. He chuckled, shoving his phone back into his pocket, making good on his promise.

After tonight, he was pretty sure he would never eat Cup Noodles ever again. But at least he didn't have to do dishes for an entire month.


End file.
